The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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