All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize