Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize