i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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