just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
