She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize