How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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