Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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