So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize