you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
