There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
