you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
