She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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