You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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