I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
