My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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