I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
i believe in u and ur pee
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