i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
