we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
