Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
