Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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