I hate all girls vehemently.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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