Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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