is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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