Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
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