I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
