so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize