I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
