Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
