Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
The feeling are messing with the penis
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
