Me. At least after what I've been through.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
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