New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
