mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
