Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
