Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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