i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
