if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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