I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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