Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
