I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize