there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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