I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm getting married
To pizza
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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