I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
