that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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