Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
