they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
