bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
