Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize