what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
