why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
