I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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