Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
