They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Randomize
