im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
