Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
