if i can run in heels then i can drive
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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