fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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