I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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