I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize