did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
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