actually, I'm a sock model
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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