i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
