I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
