he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
