I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
