She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
