he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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